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Susan Foreman was not one to do much of anything with her life. She was quite content, actually, to lay under her bed and observe the seaming and the stitching. She liked to lay on the floor and watch the ceiling fan spin. And sometimes, very rarely, when she ventured outside of her house, she liked to watch the sky and the trees. But she didn't get out of her apartment very often. Although she wouldn't admit it, she was slightly afraid of open spaces. And of clocks, which is why all the clocks in her apartment had been smashed and thrown into a closet. Along with mirrors.
Her neighbors never bothered with her. They had invited her to their house once, but Susan had seen a clock, and she got scared. Sometimes she got violent when she was scared. The encounter had ended with a broken wrist on her part, and a house full of broken clocks. But the woman had shakily understood Susan's phobias and, after Susan gave them the money to replace the cocks, they never talked again. The children in the complex drew up rumors about her, because even she admitted she could be a little scary.
The first day she had moved here was the week after she regenerated. She willed one of the tenants to jump off the roof. Her new arrival and the tenant's suicide were close together, so the children talked. And the people kept jumping. But eventually she grew bored of that game of convincing people to kill themselves. So she stayed in her apartment, occasionally going outside to deliver the money to the super. The children often heard her muttering to herself in various languages – susansusansusansusanarkytiorarkytior – because sometimes she would have to repeat her name to remember who she was.
She was losing her memory. It had begun slowly – after a while, she couldn't remember Ian's face, or the warmth from Barbara. She could remember them – they were teachers, and they had ruined her life. Sometimes she would try to piece together the Doctor and find that she could describe him but not see him. A twinkle in the blue eyes, the wrinkles around the aged face. Her grandfather, although she couldn't remember her father. She couldn't remember her mother. She remembered leaving Gallifrey at a young age because her grandfather was exiled. She remembered looking up at the orange sky for the last time.
So no, she didn't do much of anything anymore.
But today was different. Today she was perched at the exit/entrance of 76 Totter's Lane. “I like walking in the darkness,” she whispered to herself, wringing her hands together. “It's mysterious.”
It was daylight and it wasn't mysterious, but those were her words so she said them. “They've gone from nineteen to two, John Smith and the Common Men. Aren't they fabulous?”
It had been a long while since he had seen his grandchild, Susan. A very long while, and most likely, he was the last person she wanted to see. Yet, here he was, waiting outside of her apartment complex.
“They've gone from nineteen to two, John Smith and the Common Men. Aren't they fabulous?”
Was that her? He wondered, before putting the biggest smile he could manage, and answering her. "Not going to lie, more then a bit curious about who you mean."
The Doctor gave a small wave, not sure how she would take this.
Susan stared down at her feet as she walked, her nails digging into her palm as she clenched her fists. She continued muttering under her breath, because that's what she did. She continued walking, until she heard someone. She looked up. Suit, brown hair, old and cautious brown eyes, wrinkles around the eyes. Susan took a step back, feeling bile rise in her throat. He didn't need to look the same for her to know who he was. She lowered her eyes, looking back and forth for the nearest way to get rid of him. She couldn't go back to the junkyard. He would know.
“Not going to lie, more then a bit curious about who you mean.”
“Murderer.”
Susan took a step to the right, but she saw the TARDIS. She noted that he had landed on her super's flowerbed. She looked back to him, he was looking entirely too cheerful. A big smile, a wave. She stood, her fists clenched as she glared back down to the ground. Anger trembled through her, mixed with fear and nausea. Time was radiating off him, and she hated it.
“Just leave me alone,” she hissed, sounding a lot braver than she felt. “Why are you here?” Maybe it would be more threatening if she could garner the courage to keep glaring at him. But she was as frightened as she was angry, and she wanted him to die. The burns on her arm seared under the bandage, and she scratched them harshly. “I hate you.”
She was too exhausted to do much but fling insults at him. Susan stared at her window, wishing she had never left her room. That she was curled under her bed with her hands covering her ears so she couldn't hear the steady passing of time. But she wasn't.
"Ah." He replied, the smile now gone from his face. She really was not happy with him, not at all.
"Just leave me alone," she hissed, "Why are you here?"
"Well," he exaggerated the word as he thought what to say. It should've been obvious, he was here for her. "For you, Susan. I'm here to see you."
"I hate you."
That was to be expected since he did leave her here in the first place all those years ago. The Doctor knew that she wasn't just going to welcome him with open arms. "So do a lot of people."
He followed her inside, determined to set things right, or rather some things right. He watched as she stared out her window.
"Go. Away."
"I can't." He said calmly as he put his hands into his trouser pockets. "I'm sorry, really I am. But I can't just go away, Susan."
“Ah,” the Doctor said. Susan glanced at him quickly, not being able to stomach long stares at him. He didn’t seem happy anymore, which had been one of her goals. “Well… for you, Susan. I’m here to see you,” he told her. She crossed her arms suspiciously. That much had been fairly obvious – why else would he be standing outside her apartment? Although she wouldn’t have been surprised if it had been a coincidence. Why should he visit her after almost two hundred years of silence? What made him think that he had that right? Because he sure as hell didn’t, and Susan had half a mind to call the front desk and demand that her grandfather be escorted from the property.
“So do a lot of people.”
She shook her head, walking inside the building purposefully. “So?” she asked, irritably. “Is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you? No wonder people hate you,” she scoffed, turning to face him. Her eyes were still on the ground. “You make people think that you care for them, make them think it’s forever, and then you abandon them. Tell me I’m wrong,” she dared icily.
But she didn’t wait for a rebuttal, because her words weren’t going to dissuade him. She entered her flat, clawing at the bandage on her arm. The burns were mostly healed now, and maybe the searing pain she felt from it occasionally was psychosomatic, but it was there so she clawed. She sat down glumly on her bed, staring out the window.
“I can’t. I’m sorry, really I am. But I can’t just go away, Susan.”
Another flair of anger lit up inside her. She covered her ears. “I don’t care what you can’t do! I want you out! What do you want from me? My forgiveness?” she snapped, anger flushing her cheeks. “Because I can sure as hell tell you that that isn’t going to happen! I hate you! You left me! You killed my family! You killed me!”
All right, technically it had been more of a suicide, but her grandfather didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need to know that she was literally unraveling due to the Time War – the Daleks had destroyed the timeline that he had left her on Earth. Because if he knew that, he wouldn’t ever leave. He wouldn’t. She leaned against her wall, curling against it, covering her ears tighter than she had been previously. She could still smell time on him.
“You’re better off finding someone else,” she snapped.[/size]
The Doctor stood there motionless and quiet, as he listened to her outburst. He wasn't going to argue with her, she had a point. It seemed quite a lot of people died because of him. He could name each and almost everyone of them.
For example, there was Katarina; Sara Kingdom; Adric; Kamelion; K-9 (Well, Mark III); Astrid Peth; River Song (Who he was trying to figure out how she knew so much about him.); and the list went on and on.
It was hard enough dealing with the guilt of putting any companion; well, friend; in danger.
Oh! Foon and Morvin Van Hoff, he couldn't forget about them. Not could he forget the others.
So when he heard Susan's words of absolute hatred towards him, it hurt. So much more then he could have anticipated. It was as if he could feel both his hearts break, only for them to settle up in his throat. Making it hard to swallow.
Then again, that could also be the poison that he might have gotten infected with. Which was one of the reasons he came to her in the first place. Along with hope, for maybe; possibly; hopefully, she might forgive him. And perhaps they could go off, exploring the universe, just like the good ol' days. Back when it was much simpler.
However, the tone in Susan's voice had been quite hostile, so that dream of the good ol' days... Seemed farther away then even he could manage.
"Susan..." The Doctor began, feeling his hearts pound against his chest. "I'm sorry.. You're right."
Suddenly the Doctor's vision became hazy, and he felt as if he was being spun around far too fast. And not a moment later, he had collapsed onto her apartment floor; his breath uneven, and harsh.
"P-please.." He stuttered out, "Help me... And I promise to leave you be, unless it's an absolute emergency, or unless you need me."
The Doctor was pleading, just as he had several times to other species. However, usually those species were hostile and about to destroy an entire race of people.
His lack of a response was beginning to grate on the Time Lady’s nerves. She was absolutely certain that anything he could have said would have pissed her off as well, but the Doctor wasn’t even trying to make up any excuses anymore. Susan stared at him, but he didn’t seem to get her message. He remained there, motionlessly, as though he thought that if he remained very still that she would just forgive him. But this tall and lanky man wasn’t her grandfather, and the tall and lanky woman wasn’t his granddaughter. They were two creatures stranded, one more so than the other.
But Susan wasn’t so sure that a TARDIS led to freedom. She had no way to travel, but she was still freer than the Doctor seemed to be. She lowered her hands from her ears, sliding off her bed to stand in front of him. She made sure to stand up straight to give herself a bit more height, but the Time Lord still had a few inches on her. It was hard to intimidate, she realized, when you’re short.
The Doctor looked shaky, and Susan wondered if he was finally cracking under her pressure. Her lips twitched into a smirk. “Susan,” he began, and Susan rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, but looked back at him irritably. “I’m sorry… you’re right.” What? Was the Doctor admitting he was wrong? He had done it many times before, but this was different. He had always added on that he tried to go looking for her, but the Daleks had wiped her timeline out of existence.
“Huh?” she asked, because that was really all that was coming out of her mouth at that point in time. A flair of alarm went up as his face seemed to pale even more. Visions of yet another dead Time Lord on her apartment floor arose. How was she going to explain the corpse? She was already suspected for the string of suicides that was, technically, her fault. But there he was on the ground, and Susan took a step backwards, stumbling over her own feet.
“P-please,” Oh sweet merciful mother of all things, her grandfather had only come back on his knees to beg for her help? He came back just to use her? A sting of tears threatened her nose, but Susan dug her nails into her burns. “Help me… and I promise to leave you be, unless it’s an absolute emergency, or unless you need me.”
“Why would I help you?” she snarled. “Have you forgotten that I hate you? That I’ve tried to aid others in killing you? Multiple times?” she demanded. “I… I won’t ever need you. You kind of missed that chance when your little buddy kidnapped me and murdered my husband!”
The Master was still a point for her.
And, just as she was prepared to continue telling him off, he opened his mouth. “Please, Susan.”
She knelt down next to him cautiously. “How can I help?” she asked bitterly.
Somehow, those words brought just a bit of hope back into his old nine-hundred and so body. If he wasn't so sure that she would push him off, he might have just hugged her. Even though those words 'How can I help?' weren't a promise, it was a start.
"Ever heard of Laiga toxin?" The Doctor asked, feeling the pain start to build up again. It seemed to be coming in short waves, one after the other. Causing him to flinch and tense up every thirty seconds or so.
It was amazing how much strength the toxin could extract out of someone. Had the Doctor been human, he probably would have been dead. Perhaps before he had even made it to Susan.
"Nasty stuff." He admitted slowly as he tried to catch his breath. Even with the duel respiratory system, he was finding it hard to do the basics means of survival.
"It goes after your lungs, and heart; slowly constricts the blood vessels, making your heart work over time to pump blood through." The Doctor continued as he stared with one open eye, back into hers. "That in turn.. Makes the toxin move quicker through your body, allow it to kill you faster. Oh! I just remembered that line from Harry Potter."
"Kill us faster, oh now I can relax." He said, imitating Ron Wesley from the philosophers Stone. With a cough he quickly added. "Sorry.. Probably shouldn't get distracted."
“Ever heard of Laiga toxin?” he asked. Susan frowned, racking her memory for ‘Laiga’. The term sounded vaguely familiar – she had read about it somewhere on the TARDIS, she was sure of it. But her memory couldn’t supply her even the faintest of images of what her husband looked like. Why was she remembering a toxin that was found in the dredges of a planet? The feral creatures in the mountains of… Felspoon? Or was that Haiga? Or Kaiga? She didn’t know. “Barely,” she admitted, biting her lip nervously. If she could help him, then he would leave. And he wouldn’t come back.
Oh God, but he was going to die on her floor. And she had no idea how to hide a body. “Nasty stuff,” he told her, panting. “It goes after your lungs and heart; slowly constricts the blood vessels, making your heart work over time to pump blood through.” That was counter-intuitive, and even more damaging to a Time Lord. Two hearts. He pointed that out and mentioned some line from Harry Potter, and she stared at him, distressed that her grandfather had come to her to die. He wanted help but she couldn’t help him. She wrapped an arm around him, helping him to his feet and putting him on her bed.
Was this his last regeneration? Was he honestly going to die?
“I need you to stop talking,” she said. “Okay? Just shut your mouth. I… tell me more about it. Was it a bite? Why did you come to me? What can I do?” she asked. She could treat bites. She’d had a child who was even more accident-prone than her grandfather. Or was it Alex? He couldn’t die. Why did she care?
She rubbed a hand angrily across her eyes, wiping the tears bitterly. “Idiot,” she snapped. “Can’t you just detoxify yourself?”
“I need you to stop talking,” she said. “Okay? Just shut your mouth. I… tell me more about it. Was it a bite? Why did you come to me? What can I do?” she asked. She could treat bites. She’d had a child who was even more accident-prone than her grandfather. Or was it Alex? He couldn’t die. Why did she care?
"A Bite? Well, sort-of, yes... Maybe..
" His answered vaguely, rubbing the back of his neck. "Though I never saw what bit me, just felt a pinch on the back of my neck.."
He sighed, why had he came to her. Well, she was one of the few people he still trusted. Even if she had tried to kill him in the past. "I came to you, Susan, because you're brilliant. And I know you can do this."
She rubbed a hand angrily across her eyes, wiping the tears bitterly. “Idiot,” she snapped. “Can’t you just detoxify yourself?”
"I could have... But it took awhile before I even knew what happened." The Doctor explained, then he realized that she was crying. Instantly thinking something was wrong. "You alright?"
Well wasn’t he just a helpful little teacup? Susan’s eyes narrowed as he commented that yes, perhaps maybe it was a bite, although it really could have been anything else. A pinch on the neck. Sure, she could work with that. Of course she could. Who are you kidding? her mind snarled. Susan put a hand to her head for a moment, trying to will away the voices. It wasn’t a good time for Arky to bounce back into her mind. Not that any time was good, but she’d rather fool her grandfather into thinking she at least had an inch of sanity before he died.
“I came to you, Susan, because you’re brilliant.” Her eyes widened at him and she shook her head silently. The Daleks had stolen her memory, poisoned her mind to the point that it had shattered. She was many things, but she was far from ‘brilliant’. “And I know you can do this.”
You know you can’t, Susan. Why bother? He’s my grandfather… let him die
She shook her head and covered her ears again, wishing she could get Arkytior to shut up for once, but it was impossible. She couldn’t do this, she knew that, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t try right? Her hands lowered as she wiped at her eyes, wishing the Doctor could just have some of her almonds and be right as rain. More obnoxious than ever, sure, but alive.
“You alright?”
Susan turned her back on him, putting her hands on the side of her head. The back of his neck hadn’t been swollen – she would have noticed. That meant it wasn’t a hemotoxic or cytotoxic venom. Neurotoxin. She shut her eyes tightly. Neurotoxins spread through the blood vessels. The faster his hearts went, the quicker it went through. But he already knew that – they established it.
The half-life of venom was short. If she could just find a way to get him to stop just for a few minutes… much of it had already broken down presumably. But he was already alarmingly close to regeneration – or permanent death.
Her eyes moved to an electrical outlet and she grabbed him, pulling him off her bed. “An electrical shock will make your vessels spasm,” she explained. “I-it should shut down your blood vessels and quarantine just long enough for the venom to reach the half-life and deteriorate,” she said, and, with a deep breath, ripped the socket from the wall and stuck his hand in there.
She stepped back, not very fond of being electrocuted herself.
Well, that’s one way to kill him. I didn’t, Susan told herself meekly.
She grabbed him and pulled him back, wincing as the current went through her body. “Please tell me I don’t have to call the police to get another corpse out of my apartment…”
Her eyes moved to an electrical outlet and she grabbed him, pulling him off her bed. “An electrical shock will make your vessels spasm,”[/b] she explained. “I-it should shut down your blood vessels and quarantine just long enough for the venom to reach the half-life and deteriorate,”[/b] she said, and, with a deep breath, ripped the socket from the wall and stuck his hand in there.[/i]
"Woahwoahwoahwoahwoah!" He began protesting, as she pulled him off the bed. His hand getting ever so close to the electrical circuit. "Can't we discuss-"
Suddenly several volts of electricity was making it's way through his body. Stopping his hearts, causing him to loose consciousness as the venom itself started to die off. His body twitching from the rather... shocked nerve endings.
She grabbed him and pulled him back, wincing as the current went through her body. “Please tell me I don’t have to call the police to get another corpse out of my apartment…”[/b][/i]
Oh, his body felt sore, and possibly fried, but it was feeling better than it had been before. His eyes blinked several times as if he was just comprehending something. Then both hearts pounded hard against his chest, causing him to sit up rather rapidly.
"Bataboomba!" The Doctor exclaimed with a grin, wrapping his arms around his grand-daughter. Then with a short sniff, he continued. "Oh Susan, you are brilliant! You really are. Woo!"
He jumped up, only to nearly fall over, almost as if he was drunk. "Oh... Shouldn't have done that." he commented as he leaned against the wall. "I... Uh... Might need your help with another thing..."
"I think what I originally thought was a bite, was actually a dart..." The Doctor gave her his best pleading look he could manage, as he asked. "Mind helping me out with one more thing?"
“Bataboomba!”[/b][/i] the Doctor practically yelled. Susan scooted backwards, away from him, her body still trembling from the electric shock. It hadn’t been as bad as the one the Doctor had received, but he seemed perfectly fine with it. She took another backwards scoot as he advanced on her. She held out her hands trying to stop the impending hug, but he wrapped his arms around her anyway. “Oh Susan, you are brilliant! You really are. Woo!”[/b][/i] He seemed completely oblivious to her obvious discomfort and Susan was really trying to control her temper. She could do this, she could do this, she could—
Susan pushed him backwards, her hands trembling. “No, just shut up,” she said, standing and backing away from him some more. The lights in the apartment sparked and blew. “I’m sorry, I can’t…” Brilliant? She wasn’t brilliant, not by anybody’s definition of the word. Sometimes she had a good idea or two, but most of the time she fumbled around, waiting for herself to die as the radiation slowly took over her brain.
He stood up, nearly felt over, and mumbled about how he shouldn’t do that. She shook her head mutely. Shouldn’t have come, either, shouldn’t have gotten poisoned, shouldn’t have left me, shouldn’t have regenerated… She took another step away from him. “Well if that’s all, then I think you should be lea—”
“I… Uh… might need your help with another thing.”
She stared at him. “You told me you’d leave me alone! I can’t help you with anything else, Doctor! I don’t know how!”
“I think what I originally thought was a bite, was actually a dart… Mind helping me out with one more thing?” he asked.
The Time Lady frowned and looked away. Hopefully he wouldn’t need to be shocked again – her last flair of energy had seemingly shut down the power for the apartment complex, if the disgruntled talking of her neighbors were anything to go by. “If it will make you leave faster.” [/size]
Susan pushed him backwards, her hands trembling. “No, just shut up,” she said, standing and backing away from him some more. The lights in the apartment sparked and blew.
"Alright. Sorry." The Doctor felt a little hurt that she would just push him away. But he really couldn't blame her for that. After all, pretty much everything that happened to her was his fault.
“I’m sorry, I can’t…” Brilliant? She wasn’t brilliant, not by anybody’s definition of the word. Sometimes she had a good idea or two, but most of the time she fumbled around, waiting for herself to die as the radiation slowly took over her brain.
He nodded, he could understand. "You are brilliant. Don't let anyone say otherwise. Not even yourself." The Doctor was so tempted to pull her in his arms and just hold her there. However, he already pushed the boundaries he had with her.
She took another step away from him. “Well if that’s all, then I think you should be lea—”[/color]
“I… Uh… might need your help with another thing.” The Doctor accidently interrupted his granddaughter.
She stared at him. “You told me you’d leave me alone! I can’t help you with anything else, Doctor! I don’t know how!”[/b][/color]
"Well, alright. You don't have too. You could let me get you something to eat." He suggested, pouting a little, as if hoping that might make this situation better.
The Time Lady frowned and looked away. Hopefully he wouldn’t need to be shocked again – her last flair of energy had seemingly shut down the power for the apartment complex, if the disgruntled talking of her neighbors were anything to go by. “If it will make you leave faster.”[/b][/color]
"Fantastic! Come along Susan!" He exclaimed excitedly, as he lead the way out of her apartment.
“You are brilliant. Don’t let anyone say otherwise,”[/i] the Doctor told her. Susan looked down at her hands meekly. If she didn’t argue with him, then he would leave sooner. And he always did leave – eventually. She stared at him warily. This regeneration was entirely too shifty – too skinny, too fidgety, and entirely too sympathetic. “Not even yourself.”[/b][/i]
Susan froze, her breathing stopping for a beat. Did he know about Arkytior? It was her given name, of course, the name that she was always referred to as on Galllifrey. But after her regeneration, Arkytior had twisted and gnarled in her mind. She wasn’t just a name anymore. She was the festering and rotting part of her mind, fighting desperately against her death. Not even yourself… Could he know that it was always Arkytior causing her to act out? She raised her eyes to him tentatively, searching for any clue on his face.
She couldn’t see any recognition of her ‘other side’ in his face, so she took a step back and cleared her throat, quietly asking him to leave. He cut her off and asked for help… again. Well, didn’t that just take the cake? The Doctor breaking his promise to leave her alone? She crossed her arms, watching him guardedly. “Well, alright. You don’t have to. You could let me get you something to eat.”
Something… to eat? Susan blinked, taken off her guard. “I just electrocuted you to the point of the power supply being drained from this building,” she said, uncrossing her arms awkwardly. “And you want to take me out to eat? You probably poisoned whatever it is,” she said, looking away from him. If she kept her act of being completely disinterested in him, he’d quickly tire of her and leave. It worked for everyone else. She sighed and frowned, shrugging her shoulders slightly. “Whatever. If it will make you leave faster.”
He seemed to cheer up quite considerably as he practically skipped out of her apartment. “Fantastic! Come along, Susan!”[/i] he cheered. Susan stared after him, tempted to lock her doors as he left. And he’d never get back in…
Don’t be stupid, Susan. He only wants to hurt you…[/b] I know…
She shut the apartment door behind her, walking behind him. She still didn’t trust him, and she still felt a coil of disgust as she thought of the deaths he was responsible for. For someone with a large amount of blood on his hands, he held himself very cheerfully.
“Why are you doing this? It doesn’t make any sense,” Susan said irritably. And why was she encouraging him? She hated him, right? And what could it help even if she didn’t? If she did forgive him… it didn’t change anything. “There’s nothing you can do about my timeline. That’s it. You want to make me have a nice day so that when I finally die, you don’t feel guilty.” She kept her voice even. She didn’t want the Doctor to realize how terrified of what was happening to her she was. She didn’t like how she was beginning to hallucinate, she didn’t like how her memory loss seemed to be growing at a steady rate. “That’s what you do, huh?”[/size]
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