Ei Enim Momento (If Only For a Moment) -complete

[Deleted]

((OOC-This is just a further, more in depth origin story for how Cai came to be what he is now. It is the telling of his last mission as a human being, traveling to Gallifrey where he undergoes his transformation. It was too long to put in the application for his History, so I decided just to post it on the board. So, here you go, please enjoy.))


The trip took moments. Where or how, he could not say. Didn’t care. He’d lost any sense of yearning for knowledge when he’d lost everything that mattered to him in his life. The money? No. Cai struggled to think of a time when he thought it was even worth what he had been forced to give in the attempt to get it. If one thing was for certain, the past would always come back to haunt you, and no amount of running could escape it. Like a looming shadow, peering over your shoulder, it waited; shivers ran down his spine as he imagined the beast swallowing him alive. It would be a new thing indeed to shoot his way out of a stomach.

Oh, he thought to himself, that reminds me. A quick stop had been made to a bunker before embarking on the mission. Couldn’t walk into a party without a few gifts and favors, could he? Didn’t want to be rude. Well, seeing as he was about to go in and start filling people with holes, he didn’t want to be ruder. After all, he had standards.

Holstered on each hip was a Wilson Tactical Supergrade Professional, a the weapon for the man on the go. He hadn’t had time to go look for Fire and Ice, his usual companions, but these would do in a pinch. And after all this time, the cool carbon steel felt wonderful in his grasp, somewhat grounding. Even still, he could not stop the thoughts running wild in his head. They made no sense, and they made perfect sense all at once, enough so that he felt the need to mumble them under his breath as he ran a pre-combat inspection on his gear.

“First goes the rabbit, down the snake hole, round and round the merry-go-round, all the way down down down!” He laughed out loud, as if it were the funniest thing in the world.

The bolt receiver slid home with a slight snap and he peered down the sights, firing a round into the wall for good measure. His old colleague turned chauffeur jumped in fright at the bullet whizzing past his ear.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he screamed at Cai, his hand flying up to his ear to make sure it was all still there.

“Meditating,” Cai replied, then burst into insane laughter again.

The chauffeur began adjusting controls on the ship console, setting them down noiselessly. Cai was curious as to how they had gone anywhere in such a short time, but the curiosity faded quickly to be replaced by the image of a man squashing a watermelon with a hammer.

“We’re here,” chauffeur man said as he moved to the doors of the strange ship. For some reason, it was larger on the inside than it was on the outside, where it appeared to be nothing more than a port-a-potty. Cai didn’t ask. He didn’t care. He was here to do a mission, and that’s all that mattered right now. Because at the end of the tunnel, a light shined for him, and Rayleigh was that light. Stupid ships weren’t going to matter one way or the other.

Chauffeur man opened the doors as Cai rose and holstered his pistols. “It’s good to be home,” the man said to himself, breathing in deeply. In his distraction, he did not see Cai silently pull a six inch, serrated combat knife from a sheath on the back of his tactical vest. He also did not see Cai appear behind him like a ghost with that knife.

Cai left the man in a potted bush, grabbing the image device from his pocket, outside the ship, which now looked more like something out of a science fiction movie; all planes and angles, silver painted and gleaming metal, larger than a port-a-potty but still nowhere near what the inside of the ship was. He shrugged it off with a laugh as he cleaned the blade on some leaves and re-sheathed it. The ship may be stupid, but after he got a hold of this Lord President and made him tell how to get Rayleigh back, he would need something to get out of here with. After all, it couldn’t be that hard to figure it out.

The ship had somehow landed them inside a building. He would have to make the Lord President tell him about these… TARDIS’s before he killed him. They were interesting, to say the least. The ship was in the middle of what appeared to be a garden. No guards around, no alarms triggered, no clowns. All was good so far. He hated clowns. Cai tightened the straps on his gloves, flexed his knees with a few bends. Looking around, he saw a ventilation shaft near the ceiling. A tree was nearby, the closest branches some eight feet from the shaft. He scoffed inwardly.

“You shall not best me, tree!” he yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at it. Cai took a running start and leaped into the branches, making quick work as he climbed from limb to limb with a nimble grace that would make any monkey scream in jealousy. In a few moments, he was at the desired limb. Two short breaths, then he leapt, flying through the air.

His fingers caught the grate and he slammed into the wall, but it did not slow him down. Cai pulled a piece of steel tension wire from a pocket on his leg, the end of which was attached to a sharp spike, and he rammed it home above the grating. The other end of the wire he hooked to his belt to support his weight. The grate came loose easily (a micro torch had that effect on metal) and he slid it diagonally into the vent. The mercenary pulled himself inside lithely, moving around the grate, then yanked out the spike in the wall and put the wire back into his pocket. With a super adhesive gel, he glued the grate back into place over the ventilation shaft. With the exception of the odd port-a-potty in the garden, and the corpse now hidden behind it in the bushes, there was no sign that he had entered the premises. Either way, best to move quickly. In his experience, dead bodies drew attention like flies to garbage.

Cai silently made his way through the vent, listening for sounds of voices and stopping whenever some passed beneath his position. A digital read-out of the building showed him his approximate position, though he could not be sure without actually being in the hall as the map did not show the layout of the ventilation.

Four targets, then he had to find this Lord President. Seemed an easy enough task. Cai made his way in high spirits, leaving charcoal marks on the vents whenever he turned a corner. After about fifteen minutes, however, he had reached a point where he could go no further. He had to have descended several levels, but there were more yet to go. The mercenary found the nearest grate, opening up into an odd looking bathroom, and unlatched the constraints so he could slide out. His feet touched down on the stone floor like a whisper. From here on out, he would be in open sight to anyone walking around. Here is where it got fun.

Cai was an expert at using the shadows to his advantage. They were there to protect him, to hide him, and he would use them to slide around like the ghost of death that he was. Cai pulled the image device from his pocket and activated it, the sight of Rayleigh stilling his thoughts a bit. He could lose himself in that moment. The world did not matter anymore. But the sound of someone entering the room brought him out of his reverie. Anger filled him at being disturbed.

When the newcomer rounded the corner, he did not seem to pay that much attention to the man in the room. He chose his stall and opened the door, appearing lost in thought. That was ok with Cai. He stepped up behind him with his knife and made sure the man was lost forever.

The halls here were oddly empty, though the world was far from silent. Outside, something was happening that had everyone in a panic. Through the windows, Cai saw men and women and children all, running through the streets and screaming. He did not waste time on them. He had a mission to do.

Outside of the bathroom and to the right was a winding stairwell that went both up and down. It was a tactical nightmare; close spaces, no field of view, easy to be caught in a pincer, but Cai did not care at that moment. Whatever was happening outside was getting worse, and soon enough these halls would fill with people and his mission would be compromised beyond repair. He could not allow that. Down the stairs he went.

At the bottom, the stairwell opened up into a lavish chamber of water fountains and flowers and dazzling crystal lights. All it meant to Cai was that it was too easy to be seen and he could alert too many people with a splash if he dropped a body in a pool of water.

However, that was the least of his problems, as this room was not as empty as the halls above had been. Men and women in flowing robes and stupid hats filled the room, talking amongst themselves in a hurried and concerned chatter. These were not strong men, Cai observed; these were scholars. They slouched and stooped and shrugged away at the world. But they did not seem to care that there was an intruder among them. Or did not notice the man dressed differently than everyone else. Which was odd, and he decided to go with they just didn’t care, which was fine by him. He had his guns, if he needed to take the targets out quickly.

From every group though, the same chatter reached him. Talk of an Ultimate Sanction and the fear that they all felt of the idea; talk of how the Lord President was insane and they could not allow this; talk of his brilliance and how the Ultimate Sanction was the best way to resolve this conflict.

Whatever this conflict was, or this ultimate sanction, Cai did not care. It did not affect his mission. He would get in, kill the targets, and leave in the weird port-a-potty ship. The Lord President could sanction whatever he wanted to, so long as Cai got Rayleigh back in the process. Everything else was just… not important.

His plans fell short at that moment. The world shook with a violent force, as if God had awoken and seized the planet in his fist to rattle it to death. Screens on the walls showed the sky outside ablaze as if the air itself were on fire. Something was happening, something big.

The people around him screamed in horror at whatever it was that had set the sky on fire. Cai took the opportunity to exit the room through the doors on the other side. Everywhere he looked, panic and grief painted the faces of every man and woman. They fell to the knees as they all witnessed the same spectacle he had been watching on the screen. But none of that mattered to Cai, for across the room, standing in a circle by a large black pillar, were all of his targets.

“How nice of you to all line yourself up in a row for me,” he said to himself with an insane grin, pulling his pistol from its holster. This was going to be so easy. “Four little duckies, sitting in a row. One fell down with a hole in her head!” He pulled the trigger happily, the bullet finding its target, but someone slammed into him then and took him to the ground. A second and third person piled on top of him. Cai was strong, and he’d trained his body to breaking points for almost twenty years, but even he could not lift three full grown men off of him.

They pulled him up to his knees, and Cai saw the hem of robes stop in front of him with a flurry. When he looked up, he was face to face with none other than the Lord President himself.

“Yo, buddy,” Cai said with a grin, “wanna tell the Larry, Moe, and Curly here to let me go so I can finish taking out your compadres? Promise I’ll wrap em up nice and pretty for you with a bow.”

The Lord President did not seem to be amused, however. “Take his weapons, find out how he got in here, and throw him in a pit somewhere.”

The smile faded from Cai’s face quickly. “Does this mean we’re not having a reunion next year?” he called out?

The three men lifted him to his feet. Two held him firmly still, the third removing all his weapons. It took a minute to do so, but sure enough they found every blade, gun, spike, rope, pen, and stick that he had. Well, all except the flat mine hidden inside his boot, but what’s a few secrets between friends?

Not that he needed it though, for at the moment, the building began shaking again, only ten times worse than it had before. Dust fell in sprays from the ceiling, portraits crashed to floor from the walls, the black pillar at the other side of the room toppled over. And where the fu** was the woman he had shot?

He didn’t get a chance to question it further, because at that moment the floor gave way and he, along with the three goons and several other people left in the room, fell through. Screams amplified, people struggled to crab on to something, but they all fell regardless. When Cai hit the ground again, all the air was shoved from his lungs. He had just one thought then; one single moment of clarity that drove everything else from his mind. All the insanity, all the wishful thinking of being reunited with Rayleigh, his entire life gone. Because in that moment, in that one thought, all he could think was, “I’m going to die here.”

Cai did not know how it happened, or what he had done, but when he finally regained consciousness, or control, or whatever it was that made him come back to reality, he was covered in blood. And it wasn’t his own. The rest of the people lay around him, dead and dying; his retrieved gun from the guard had used every bullet it had left, and from there he turned to his hands and feet. He beat one guard, took a knife from him, and set to work. All the bits and pieces of body cut off from their host attested to that.

He’d done all this? Without even knowing what he was doing? Manic laughter filled the room then. He laughed so hard his throat became sore and voice hoarse. He laughed as he smeared the blood on his hands all over his face, gripping at his hair. He laughed as he tried to run from the scene down an opening nearby in the wall, but he tripped over a leg and fell. And his laughter turned half to tears as he fell to the ground to find the image device in front of him.

He activated it, seeing Rayleigh’s face. Her smile, her eyes, such a beautiful little girl. And he would never see her again now. He could not stop the tears as he snatched up the device and ran out of the room. But he didn’t get far. The hole in the wall lead to a dead end. The next room was closed off now too, the only other entrance collapsed. In the center of the room was a large alter, housing a massive glowing orb.

The light, however, did not appear to be from any sort of solid object. Instead, it flowed and writhed like a living creature. Colors formed and dissipated in wisps like steam, images seemed to dance in the depths of the light, sound seemed to echo eternally inside his head. He could not tell if any of it was real, or if it was just his mind playing with him in its shattered state.

It didn’t matter to Cai.

He didn’t care what it was. He didn’t care at all. His world was ended, and he hoped that this one burned to ash along with it. Was it the voices in his head telling him to step into the chasm? Or was it something inside the light? Some life of its own? It didn’t matter.

Cai looked at the image device again, and the insane laughter again filled the chamber. His shoulders shook, his skin tingled, his hair stood on end. And he kept laughing, all the way as he stepped up the alter and walked right into the living light itself.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The world was nothing. Time was nothing. Existence seemed to lose all definition and meaning. Where was he? Or for that matter, was there even a he left to be anywhere? Life was floating all around him, inside him, through him, and he could see and hear and feel everything. Everything that ever was and ever would be. His body was destroyed, his mind lost; his very being was melted away and streamed into the chasm.

Time flowed on and on. Existence flowed all around. He was unaware and aware of everything all at once. He was alpha and omega. He was everything and nothing. And through it all, his memories were destroyed, his body incarnated, his consciousness left behind in a fragile state and slipping away quickly.

Why was it going? What could he even do about it? Trying seemed futile. He should just give in and become one with time. He could just let go. Maybe Rayleigh would be waiting for him…

Rayleigh? Who was that?

Time continued to pass by and stand still, all around him and inside him and through him. A shadow of awareness streamed by, barely there, and fading quickly. And as he reached out, it filled him. How had he reached out to it? There were no hands or arms or limbs of any sort to reach. That thought filled him with laughter. An insane, endless laughter. He was aware of the insanity, and that thought filled him.

Awareness grew, becoming thicker. He was aware that he once been whole, once been physical. Before the time. Before the nothing and the everything. Before the chasm. 

Chasm? That’s right. There had been a light. What a beautiful light, calling to him.

And he was aware he had entered it. Had went willingly. Why had he done that? Why had he given up on his body? Why had he given up his mind? The thought filled him with laughter. An insane, endless laughter. He was aware of the insanity, aware he had given up, and that thought solidified him. He didn’t want to be nothing. How would he reach Rayleigh then?

Rayleigh? Who was that? The thought kept coming back to him. It seemed important. It seemed vital. Rayleigh was the reason. His body, his mind, he needed them. But here he was calm. Here he was calm. He did not need a body, or a mind. He could forget. Give in. Rayleigh would understand… His body began to fade again.

Rayleigh. The thought made him hold on. Laughter filled his being. Laughter, and the thought of Rayleigh. And he was aware. He was aware of his being, as he was aware of everything. Everything that ever was and ever would be. Aware of Rayleigh.

But that awareness was fading now. He could feel himself as if he were being flung through the air at a million miles an hour, falling fast. The awareness was slipping away. Existence was slipping through his hands, out of his body, away from his mind. But he held on to his form. Held on to that manic laughter filling his mind, held on to Rayleigh. And with trembling hands, clinging to what was left of the light in the chasm, Cai reached out and took her hand…