Jonah "The Beard" Washington
Dec 18, 2013 14:33:01 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2013 14:33:01 GMT -5
Original
Character Image:
Name: Jonah "The Beard" Washington
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Species: Hybrid
Planet of Origin: Earth
Occupation: Professional Hero of Eternal Awesomeness
Physical Description: Jonah's body is quite often on display, mainly because he likes streaking, or just hates shirts. Jonah's got tattoos from head to toe. Literally. He has the tattoo of an eye on the back of his neck, and the tattoo of a snake going from his toes to his knee. Jonah's got thick curly black hair, but the most glorious part of his appearance, is his beard. The gods cower in fear of his holy beard of eternal perfection. Nothing can defeat the power of his beard.
Personality: Jonah is a very direct person. Directly in your face! Gotta be! Don't look 'em in the eye, they think you don't mean what you say! Gotta mean what you say! If you don't mean what you say, then what the hell are you saying?! Nothing! And nothing's left to the losers! Jonah "The Beard" Washington, is no loser! Jonah is a winner!
Jonah's got a raging sexuality! Can't tame the beast! The beast wants to get out! Gotta let the beast out, or the beast gets angry! And Jonah doesn't like being angry! Jonah likes to have a big ol' grin, and share his grin with everyone he meets! Why shouldn't people smile?! Being sad's stupid! Nobody likes people who are sad all the time! It's depressing! That's why Jonah's a grinner!
But, sometimes people just need a smack or two! And who better, than the Beard himself! Some people get too big for their britches! Then, they gotta wear sweat pants! Sweat pants makes ya look like a bum! Bums are lazy! Like America! Good ol' America! Wonderful America! Land of the I don't give a damn, and trademarked screw you country of the world! Lazy and outgoing at the same time! USA! USA!
Above all else, is the Beard! Prepare to open a can of whoopass if you plan on cutting his beard! Cause Jonah Washington's got a can opener right here! Won't even have to pay for it! It's free! His Beard's free! Free to do what it pleases! Jonah knows moderation, though! He doesn't let that thing go nuts! You gotta regulate freedom! And his beard is a work of artistry! Nothing is finer in the universe! The Beard knows all!
History: Jonah "The Beard" Washington didn't grow up wanting to be president! He didn't wanna be no doctor! No! Jonah wanted to be a super hero! And he got his dream come true! But that's getting ahead of the Beard! Jonah grew up in a trailer park! It wasn't fancy, it was practical! Practicality was the nationality! Nationality was America! America was his home, and he'd die for it!
Jonah was getting away from himself! He needed to reign himself in! So, Jonah went to college! Screw college! A bunch of self concerned idiots! Jonah decided to be a police officer! Screw the police! Too many rules! Jonah became the only thing he'd do for the rest of his life. He became the Professional Hero of Eternal Awesomeness! Duh! He even trademarked and patented the name! Jonah's even got an action figure! With real Beard action!
When Jonah decided to become the Professional Hero of Eternal Awesomeness, he needed a way to be eternal! Dying was overrated! Dying was for quitters! Jonah was no quitter! After a very drunken night, government tests, and a trip through a vortex, Jonah got his wish! He was ageless! Forever 31! He loved it! Sure his hair only grew on his head, but as long as the Beard remained, he would have meaning! Meaning meant something!
Jonah even got himself time travel! Vortex Manipulator! He could punch the face of evil through every time period there was! Sure, some sad sap had to die, but the dumb nerd was using it for science! Science was for dumb nerds! He had more important things to do! Professional Hero of Eternal Awesomeness! Eternally! The Beard was eternal! Eternal!
Addition Medical Information: Jonah has been stricken with a case of immortality! Sure, he can still die like any other poor sap, but he can live forever! Jonah's too awesome to die from a bullet or a knife! *Warning, Jonah actually can die* Another effect that an unprotected trip through the time vortex granted Jonah was the ability to break the fourth wall! Some people look at him funny, but he knows the overlords are just toying with him!
Character Image:
Name: Jonah "The Beard" Washington
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Species: Hybrid
Planet of Origin: Earth
Occupation: Professional Hero of Eternal Awesomeness
Physical Description: Jonah's body is quite often on display, mainly because he likes streaking, or just hates shirts. Jonah's got tattoos from head to toe. Literally. He has the tattoo of an eye on the back of his neck, and the tattoo of a snake going from his toes to his knee. Jonah's got thick curly black hair, but the most glorious part of his appearance, is his beard. The gods cower in fear of his holy beard of eternal perfection. Nothing can defeat the power of his beard.
Personality: Jonah is a very direct person. Directly in your face! Gotta be! Don't look 'em in the eye, they think you don't mean what you say! Gotta mean what you say! If you don't mean what you say, then what the hell are you saying?! Nothing! And nothing's left to the losers! Jonah "The Beard" Washington, is no loser! Jonah is a winner!
Jonah's got a raging sexuality! Can't tame the beast! The beast wants to get out! Gotta let the beast out, or the beast gets angry! And Jonah doesn't like being angry! Jonah likes to have a big ol' grin, and share his grin with everyone he meets! Why shouldn't people smile?! Being sad's stupid! Nobody likes people who are sad all the time! It's depressing! That's why Jonah's a grinner!
But, sometimes people just need a smack or two! And who better, than the Beard himself! Some people get too big for their britches! Then, they gotta wear sweat pants! Sweat pants makes ya look like a bum! Bums are lazy! Like America! Good ol' America! Wonderful America! Land of the I don't give a damn, and trademarked screw you country of the world! Lazy and outgoing at the same time! USA! USA!
Above all else, is the Beard! Prepare to open a can of whoopass if you plan on cutting his beard! Cause Jonah Washington's got a can opener right here! Won't even have to pay for it! It's free! His Beard's free! Free to do what it pleases! Jonah knows moderation, though! He doesn't let that thing go nuts! You gotta regulate freedom! And his beard is a work of artistry! Nothing is finer in the universe! The Beard knows all!
History: Jonah "The Beard" Washington didn't grow up wanting to be president! He didn't wanna be no doctor! No! Jonah wanted to be a super hero! And he got his dream come true! But that's getting ahead of the Beard! Jonah grew up in a trailer park! It wasn't fancy, it was practical! Practicality was the nationality! Nationality was America! America was his home, and he'd die for it!
Jonah was getting away from himself! He needed to reign himself in! So, Jonah went to college! Screw college! A bunch of self concerned idiots! Jonah decided to be a police officer! Screw the police! Too many rules! Jonah became the only thing he'd do for the rest of his life. He became the Professional Hero of Eternal Awesomeness! Duh! He even trademarked and patented the name! Jonah's even got an action figure! With real Beard action!
When Jonah decided to become the Professional Hero of Eternal Awesomeness, he needed a way to be eternal! Dying was overrated! Dying was for quitters! Jonah was no quitter! After a very drunken night, government tests, and a trip through a vortex, Jonah got his wish! He was ageless! Forever 31! He loved it! Sure his hair only grew on his head, but as long as the Beard remained, he would have meaning! Meaning meant something!
Jonah even got himself time travel! Vortex Manipulator! He could punch the face of evil through every time period there was! Sure, some sad sap had to die, but the dumb nerd was using it for science! Science was for dumb nerds! He had more important things to do! Professional Hero of Eternal Awesomeness! Eternally! The Beard was eternal! Eternal!
Addition Medical Information: Jonah has been stricken with a case of immortality! Sure, he can still die like any other poor sap, but he can live forever! Jonah's too awesome to die from a bullet or a knife! *Warning, Jonah actually can die* Another effect that an unprotected trip through the time vortex granted Jonah was the ability to break the fourth wall! Some people look at him funny, but he knows the overlords are just toying with him!