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There comes a point in every woman's life when she meets seemingly the perfect man...
Except for the fact he never returns his calls.
River, in all fairness, had met this man very early on in life, but it was only recently becoming a problem. Sure, there was psychic paper and the TARDIS did occasionally pick up calls from the Vortex, but it was hardly what you would call reliable.
So, River, being the sort of woman she was, decided that instead of letting it bother her, she would simply fix it. She'd had to bide her time for a bit until she found the TARDIS, of course, but the Doctor had no idea what River had in store for him.
A quick snap of her fingers, and River was on board the familiar vessel. The Doctor and her parents were currently nowhere in sight. Perhaps exploring? Never mind that. She could certainly use the time.
She walked underneath the console and began to examine the various wires intently before setting to work.
After checking in on the library, the swimming pool, the amusement park, the tennis courts, the wardrobe, and the countless other rooms in the TARDIS, the Doctor was making his way back to the console room. He'd decided to do an update everywhere and he was finally done.
Whistling as he came in, he set his toolbox down on the jumpseat as he started moving around the console and flicking switches. What would he do now? Visit Edgar Allan Poe? Go to the ninth lunar base?
He was so busy thinking of where to go that he didn't notice the person lying on the ground underneath the console and, as a result, found himself tripping over them. "What the...River!" he exclaimed rubbing his aching arm as he got back to his feet. "What are you doing here?" Though he always liked to see his wife, he liked to have had word sent to him before hand. Especially if it was going to result in him getting hurt like now.
If it weren't for the fact it was the Doctor's own fault that River was here taking matters into her own hands, she might have felt sorry for him. As it was, River simply purred her trademark, "Hello, sweetie."
Sitting up, River flashed her eyes away from her work and towards her husband, smiling all the while.
"Do you mind passing me your screwdriver for a moment? I'm just about finished, but this needs sonicing."
Though he was confused, he handed her the device all the same. "What are you doing?" he asked, craning his neck to try and peek under the console. It didn't look like she'd changed much, but...well, it was River. He couldn't be sure. "And how did you even get here?" The TARDIS definitely wasn't at Stormcage, and it would've been difficult to find the box, even for his wife.
River accepted the sonic with a bright smile, "Fixing something for you, sweetie."
Laying back beneath the console, River finished her installation at least.
"And how did you even get here?"
"Well, it wasn't easy. That was for sure."
As she stood up, task complete, River dusted herself off before returning the Doctor his screwdriver with a light kiss on his cheek. Moments later, her installation blinked on the console, alerting them it was working.
Going over to his 'present', the Doctor frowned at it. "Um, River...what is this?" he asked. He looked at it, poked it, and scanned it with the sonic. "I don't suppose it's the automatic tea-maker I've always wanted. I have told you about that, haven't I?"
Shooting another glance at the addition his wife had made to his time machine, he started flicking levers. He wanted to go somewhere, and now that River was with him, she might as well come along. The only worry he had was that her tinkering might somehow interfere.
“No, sweetie. I got you something useful. What good is a tea maker while you are flying?”
There may have been a subtle emphasis on the you there, but River’s expression didn’t let on. The Doctor’s complete ignorance was adorable. And while she had no objections to popping off on a trip with him (when did she ever?) his expression was still highly entertaining.
The Doctor frowned at River and pouted a little. "One: a tea maker would be very useful, I'd always know where I can get it. Two: is there something you'd like to say about my flying?" Of course she probably didn't mean it (he hoped), but he tended to play along. Then he did a double-take on the device she'd installed when she revealed to him what it was.
"You call that an answering machine?" he asked. "Looks weird. Never seen one like that. It looks like it came from the Victorian era...except they didn't have answering machines back then...were there even telephones at that time?" He shook himself out of his rambling and got back to the point. "Why would I ever need an answering machine?"
'You still know where you can get it. In the kitchen." River answered pointedly before giving him an innocent smile at his question. Luckily, River did not have to delay long before he was full of insults of his own though.
"You never answer my phone calls," she stated firmly, as if that was the only response needed or required to his entire speech because, frankly, it was.
Upon hearing her solution for knowing where the tea was, the Doctor gave River a dry look. "Ha ha. Yes, but the kitchen is I don't know how long away. And what if the old girl had a mood swing and decided to switch the rooms around? The tea maker would be right here. A lot easier."
Then her answer to the main point was...well, a bit ridiculous. "Not true!" he protested. "I always answer your calls...the ones I get, anyway. It's not my fault you sometimes choose places with rubbish reception." Of course, it was occasionally to do with the fact that the TARDIS was so far away she was nearly unreachable. But the Doctor would never admit that about his beloved craft.
River shook her head a little, not really giving his retort the time of day. Just because he irritated the TARDIS enough for the ship to want to send him on a scavenger hunt, that didn't make missing her calls any less important.
"Yes, sweetie. I must be choosing a place with rubbish reception when I call from the same exact spot you've reached me at previously. It couldn't have anything to do with the Vortex distorting things or you being out saving some planet from itself or its future neightbor's cousins."
The Doctor opened his mouth to answer, but a retort didn't come to mind. Damn, she'd cornered him. Again. She did it too often. "Oh...fine," he conceded. "But it's not my fault. I'm not deliberately avoiding your calls. You know I wouldn't." He sighed, and turned to pat the console. "I guess she does need a telecommunications update. I don't know..."
Frowning, he went down on his knees to look under the part of the console with this new device. "You sure you installed it right?" he asked, poking his head underneath. "You have to be really careful with the thermo-couplings. I hope you closed up all the links okay..."
He had accepted that he might be wrong, so River was not going to push him any farther. She knew how he felt about the TARDIS, so his concern certainly wasn't out of line.
"Pretty sure. Of course, I'm sure. Well, it's not like I can check the manual, but I imagine it will work fine."
"The manual's rubbish," the Doctor instantly replied, poking his head back up to look over to River. "Absolutely no help at all. Why do you think I threw it in a supernova?" Shaking his head and looking over the answering machine one last time, he started his walk around the console as he flicked switches.
"So while you're here, fancy a trip?" he asked his wife. "I don't mind where we go. You can choose, if you have anywhere in particular. Go for it."
"You threw it in a supernova because you didn't agree with it. That does not mean, however, that it was rubbish. Just that you had a temper tantrum," she scolded him fondly.
The Doctor's offer won him a soft smile.
"Anytime, anywhere, my love."
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