Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2014 14:01:55 GMT -5
Original
Name: Cai Dorough
Face Claim: Ryan Reynolds
Age: I was 36 before I got involved with the wrong people. Now, I’m 216. Mother would be so proud.
Species: Human. Or I used to be. Now I’m something called a Time Lord. Not even sure what is left of what I used to be…
Planet of Origin: Earth
Time of Origin: 1980
Occupation: Mercenary
Physical Description: About 6’2. Short cropped brown hair. Ruggedly handsome good looks and, before you even ask, yes I do squats.
Personality: Got tons of it. Sometimes more than one (though you probably don’t want to meet the other ones, they don’t all share my shining good nature). People tell me I’m a sarcastic son of a bleepity-bleep, but then I shoot them in the leg and they are more amenable to my point of view. What can I say, I’m a giver. I like to think I’m a… fun guy. I like to take a girl out, show her a good time, and if we stop off on the way back home and blow some stuff up before getting in a gunfight… Well, some nights are better than others.
History: Life used to be simple. If you can call it that. Simpler before than it is now, I guess. Never really used to think about just how difficult things were before my… change. Things just were, things just happened, and I dealt with them. Easy as that. I don’t have some sob story of abusive parents or a terrible childhood to run through your dome. Truth be told, I actually had a good childhood. Everything peachy freakin’ keen. Can’t give away all the juicy stuff too early. Sit back and pop some popcorn, relax your kicks for a bit and chill. *Points gun at readers* I said chill!
Good, let’s continue story time. If you’re lucky, I’ll tell you all about how I killed Winnie the Pooh at Disney World.
I joined the military, quickly left it cause it sucked. No matter. Life is all about learning, right? Whatever. I did some secret squirrel stuff and soon I sowed mayhem into the world as easy as blinking, and I was good at it. Heck, I was a giant in a world of men.
It didn’t matter though. I was there when she was born, you know? She reached up and grabbed my finger. First thing she did when the doc brought her back in and cleaned off all the goo. From that moment on, it was all about Rayleigh. Best thing my ex every gave me. And with that, it was all about the money. And Uncle Sam wasn’t cutting the beef there, so I peaced out and moved on.
On one mission I found myself in some place you’ve never heard of, looking for someone you’ve never seen, working for some people you never knew existed. The one where the people you work for tie up all the loose ends. And I was one of them. And because of me, so was Rayleigh.
For a time, it’s hard to recollect much of what happened. I was, as the professionals liked to say, “clinically insane with narcissistic and violent tendencies.” Pfft, what do they know? Just because you break an arm or two and try shanking some people in the kidney for stealing your pudding, all of the sudden they wanna start slapping labels on you like “crazy” or “violent” or “no Mr. please don’t!” Seriously, people are too judgmental.
But the call to the life was hard to ignore, especially when someone gives you such a tantalizing prospect of payment. No money, I was done with that. But something infinitely more valuable... And so, on a mission to some weird place in a weird ship to kill some weird people for this weird guy, (I think they called him the President of Gallifrey or something, I don't know, I was playing my Gameboy and wasn't really listening) I fell into this weird time light thing (I later learned its called the Eye of Time, like dude thats a weird name and whomever thought of it as a tool) on an alter and was One-With-Everything for a while. Came out all transformed and time-crap in my head and what not, and now I'm explaining it to all you suckers.
*Cocks gun* Story time's over. *Takes aim at readers* Run.
Additional Medical Information: They keep telling me I’m insane, but then they usually spontaneously combust or start bleeding from random holes punched in them with bullets, so you have to wonder how far you can take their word on it, you know? Also, for some reason, my eyes glow in the dark now? Like dude, what’s up with that?
Plus, I think I stubbed my toe this morning and now it’s bruised. I just don’t know if I can go on…
Writing Submission:
Cai finished running a whet stone over his sword, tucking the small stone in between the cushions of the seat for safe keeping. Holding his katana up to catch a gleam off the blade, he ran his thumb gently along the edge of the blade to test. Razor sharp, just how he liked it.
“All the better to slice and dice you with,” he cackled in his best imitation of a wolf voice.
The others were looking at him now, passing off glances his way, and he pretended not to notice. Instead he pulled out Fire and Ice, checked the clips to make sure they were full, slammed them home again, and re-holstered the pistols. Everything felt good.
The engines of the plane roared noisily as they drifted along. Snow-capped mountains sprung up below them, covering the landscape. It was bright and clear outside, no clouds in the sky to be seen. A good day for work. The adrenaline began pumping through his veins, which felt more… invigorating, then used to feel. Ever since his change, everything felt more… well, just more.
Cai stood up and moved to the door, ready to go. Now he just had to think of something awesome to say. A cool catch phrase to capture the moment and make everyone know how great he was. “Up and at em boys?” No, too 90’s. “Pop-pop, mofo?” No, too lame. “Geronimo…” Ugh, no, who the *&^% even said that anymore?
While trying to decide on what to say, Cai was fingering the loop of the pull cord on his parachute. An idea came to him, and he spun around to face the inside of the plane to exclaim his awesome phrase. However, when he waved his hand in front of him to accentuate his excitement, he pulled the cord and the parachute burst out behind him, catching in the wind and dragging him out of the plane. The force was such that he dropped the grenade he was holding, which was totally part of his awesome new catchphrase!
Instead, all he could say was, “Aww, maaaaan.” Then he was yanked into the air. The rest on the plane were not so lucky, as the grenade then exploded and blew out the back end of the plane.
Cai drifted down towards the ground, his insane laughter echoing throughout the mountain range all the way down.
